Sumthin Fishee

So I'm looking at a Goldfish bag I'm munchin' out on a Friday night in my bedroom and there are a lot of things about it that confuse me.

First, Finn (the mascot) is blowing orange bubbles (!) and "riding" a bike (with a safety first helmet). He accentuates his "Now Made With Whole Grain" message with a pedophilic grin that's wider than the Mormon Tabernacle. This message is essentially meaningless, because one serving provides a measly 2g of Dietary Fiber. That's about enough for a worm to poop with ease. Another disconcerting fact about this package is the ingredients list, which is preempted by the phrase, "Made with smiles and..." While this kind of cutsy marketing works for Trader Joe's, Peppridge Farm is too far down the mainstream pipe to handle creative deviation.